Do you know the song Let them Be Little by Billy Dean? It says, "Give them hope, give them praise, give them love everyday. Let them cry, let them giggle, O let them be little." When I hear the lyrics, I think about helping raise children in my community. And these are jobs that I simply enjoy doing.
Motherhood is very self-sacrificial of your time and energy. But they make a world of difference to a little one and it is fun! And there can still be a balance of taking care of your own projects.
So, here's the thing... and it may not be well accepted in 2022 because we can't hold two seemingly contradictory opinions at once (for whatever reason). Personally, while I've never wanted to be a mother and am a selfish woman who focuses on her career, I applaud and admire classic women who have children, love them, and raise them to be good citizens.
I'm VERY aware of the fact that I could never do that. Whether you're a housewife, homeschooling kids, or have kids + career (work remotely), kudos to you for doing something I'm not strong enough or selfless enough to do. Hey, I own it. And I'll give credit where credit is due.
So, I don't think the problem is women like me (women who don't want kids and want to focus on something else). I think the problem is women like me who feel the need to impose their own beliefs on everyone else who chooses another path.
I feel similarly to you, sometimes. I am getting up there in age as an older millennial and every path to dating I have gone on ends badly. Having children would be risky at this point. I end up going on dates and wishing I was home by myself watching TV, reading, or dancing to music. The biggest fulfillment I get is from my Roman Catholic faith. I think I could have handled marriage and motherhood at one point in my life, but I am so set in my ways now I don't know how I would even change. I absolutely agree that marriage and children are one of the most authentic things a woman can do, it just never seems to work out for me. I already had one failed marriage due to his porn addiction and abuse. I have talked about it with my priest in the past and he said that perhaps God's plan for me is to marry older and possibly a widower with children.
What a beautiful idea. As I mentioned below in my response to Muzical, God has a plan for everyone that might look different than the typical picture we are used to, but has just as much value and worth.
Hey Emily, just wanted to acknowledge your comment and extend support! It’s so hard to passively accept that everyone is on their own timeline (or God’s if you’re a woman of faith)! It’s true there is so much struggle in not knowing when something you desire will happen, and it’s not fun watching others around you getting their turn first. As smart, motivated women, I think we want to move the plot along and have control wherever possible, which is what makes us successful in so many other aspects of life. Obviously, the personal is just that, and so feeling out of control in that realm hits hardest. I just wanted to send along hope that this period of waiting can be a source of new inspiration for you. Focusing on accomplishing things you want for your life that would become more challenging with a partner and kids can turn this season into more than just a distraction or means to an end. The grass is always greenest where you water it, and the best gardens take time to grow 💚
On the other side, never having had the chance to marry and being unable to have children, I can personally vouch for the emptiness of my lifestyle. I leave an empty apartment and return to an empty apartment and have nothing to look forward to. No family vacations, no first words, no child finally being potty-trained, no watching children learn to write their names, no watching the older kids interact with the younger kids, no husband, just nothing and silence.
Why any woman would freely choose this will never, ever make sense to me. If I could have a screaming kid while I’m trying to read, I would take that over my STEM job and its salary ANY day.
God has something planned for you, something more wonderful than you could have ever imagined. It may be hard to see right now, but God is always watching and working in the background.
Melissa is right. And please know, when I write about motherhood and marriage, it's for those who don't see the importance of these things in life. For those who recognize their importance but who have not been able to go down that path, there is so much value and worth in what you do because God's design has something different and equally important in store for you.
My friend Diane thought the same exact thing. She had a lot of boyfriends, but none of them were " The One." After swearing off dating she got a message at the age of 37 on her deactivated Catholic Match account from a man named Patrick. She took a leap of faith, reactivated her account and he turned out to be "The One." She really wanted children and after suffering three miscarriages ( they started trying for kids right away since she wad 38 when they wed), she gave birth to a healthy daughter at the age of 41 and a healthy son at 43. Diane had practically written off marriage. She also worked in STEM! After having those three miscarriages she was despondent. She even started researching adoption. God had other plans! Not only was she shocked she found a wonderful man, the even greater shock was having two healthy children in advanced maternal age. No matter what the challenge, God will fulfill your desires in a way you may never thought was possible.
When I was in high school I was sold the idea of feminism. Everyone told me that I needed to get a good degree, followed by a good job. I was told not to marry young and to always use protection so that I didn't have to worry about having children interrupting my life...
I am so glad that I saw through that BS early. I'm now 23 and about to be married, planning on a big family and being a stay at home, homeschooling mum, and I have never been happier. I get to take care of my house, make sure that we have good food to eat, make sure that all of our bills are paid and appointments are made, and be the caretaker of our life at home. My fiancé comes home from work happy and relaxed because he knows that the house stuff (except taking out the trash) will be taken care of and he doesn't have to worry about doing that stuff himself. I wouldn't trade the life I have for anything.
As someone that knows mostly liberal people and who desperately wants a family, it is annoying when some try to convince me out of having children and some tell me to have children on my own but most respect my wish.
I hear of some people saying it is selfish to have children but I don't alien myself with them.
It does trouble me that so many people including women say they don't know if they want children and their in their 30s. My best friend isn't sure, she likes the dink lifestyle. I think she will grow to regret it.
I kind of hate living in this culture of don't sacrifice for others, there is no community (apart from my vegan community of course)
Everyone is in it for themselves, everyone is on their own. Matt Walsh was saying something the other day, not sure if he is right but it struck me - he said that the reason the Democrats want everyone to stay single and unmarried is to make them more dependant on the government.
While I dont think Dems are doing anything on purpose, it makes sense that unmarried women feel more comfortable with gov benefits or abortion, because they need it the most. Despite what mens rights activists say, I still feel women need protection more. They are more likely to be a domestic violence sufferer than men and they can fall pregnant.
I honestly don't think I will find a guy who wants a family. I feel they are all just after fun and no commitment. It's frustrating!
 Considering how less than 3% of articles in feminist literature, talk about motherhood and less than half of all feminists have children I am not surprised. Feminists hate children. one tried to abolish motherhood, and said pregnancy was barbaric. She died alone in her flat of starvation, and it was several days before her body was found.
Do you know the song Let them Be Little by Billy Dean? It says, "Give them hope, give them praise, give them love everyday. Let them cry, let them giggle, O let them be little." When I hear the lyrics, I think about helping raise children in my community. And these are jobs that I simply enjoy doing.
Motherhood is very self-sacrificial of your time and energy. But they make a world of difference to a little one and it is fun! And there can still be a balance of taking care of your own projects.
I totally agree!
So, here's the thing... and it may not be well accepted in 2022 because we can't hold two seemingly contradictory opinions at once (for whatever reason). Personally, while I've never wanted to be a mother and am a selfish woman who focuses on her career, I applaud and admire classic women who have children, love them, and raise them to be good citizens.
I'm VERY aware of the fact that I could never do that. Whether you're a housewife, homeschooling kids, or have kids + career (work remotely), kudos to you for doing something I'm not strong enough or selfless enough to do. Hey, I own it. And I'll give credit where credit is due.
So, I don't think the problem is women like me (women who don't want kids and want to focus on something else). I think the problem is women like me who feel the need to impose their own beliefs on everyone else who chooses another path.
I feel similarly to you, sometimes. I am getting up there in age as an older millennial and every path to dating I have gone on ends badly. Having children would be risky at this point. I end up going on dates and wishing I was home by myself watching TV, reading, or dancing to music. The biggest fulfillment I get is from my Roman Catholic faith. I think I could have handled marriage and motherhood at one point in my life, but I am so set in my ways now I don't know how I would even change. I absolutely agree that marriage and children are one of the most authentic things a woman can do, it just never seems to work out for me. I already had one failed marriage due to his porn addiction and abuse. I have talked about it with my priest in the past and he said that perhaps God's plan for me is to marry older and possibly a widower with children.
What a beautiful idea. As I mentioned below in my response to Muzical, God has a plan for everyone that might look different than the typical picture we are used to, but has just as much value and worth.
If God has a plan, why did he make me want children so bad but deny me a partner?
Hey Emily, just wanted to acknowledge your comment and extend support! It’s so hard to passively accept that everyone is on their own timeline (or God’s if you’re a woman of faith)! It’s true there is so much struggle in not knowing when something you desire will happen, and it’s not fun watching others around you getting their turn first. As smart, motivated women, I think we want to move the plot along and have control wherever possible, which is what makes us successful in so many other aspects of life. Obviously, the personal is just that, and so feeling out of control in that realm hits hardest. I just wanted to send along hope that this period of waiting can be a source of new inspiration for you. Focusing on accomplishing things you want for your life that would become more challenging with a partner and kids can turn this season into more than just a distraction or means to an end. The grass is always greenest where you water it, and the best gardens take time to grow 💚
I agree with you!
On the other side, never having had the chance to marry and being unable to have children, I can personally vouch for the emptiness of my lifestyle. I leave an empty apartment and return to an empty apartment and have nothing to look forward to. No family vacations, no first words, no child finally being potty-trained, no watching children learn to write their names, no watching the older kids interact with the younger kids, no husband, just nothing and silence.
Why any woman would freely choose this will never, ever make sense to me. If I could have a screaming kid while I’m trying to read, I would take that over my STEM job and its salary ANY day.
God has something planned for you, something more wonderful than you could have ever imagined. It may be hard to see right now, but God is always watching and working in the background.
Melissa is right. And please know, when I write about motherhood and marriage, it's for those who don't see the importance of these things in life. For those who recognize their importance but who have not been able to go down that path, there is so much value and worth in what you do because God's design has something different and equally important in store for you.
I'm 38; time ain't exactly on my side...
My friend Diane thought the same exact thing. She had a lot of boyfriends, but none of them were " The One." After swearing off dating she got a message at the age of 37 on her deactivated Catholic Match account from a man named Patrick. She took a leap of faith, reactivated her account and he turned out to be "The One." She really wanted children and after suffering three miscarriages ( they started trying for kids right away since she wad 38 when they wed), she gave birth to a healthy daughter at the age of 41 and a healthy son at 43. Diane had practically written off marriage. She also worked in STEM! After having those three miscarriages she was despondent. She even started researching adoption. God had other plans! Not only was she shocked she found a wonderful man, the even greater shock was having two healthy children in advanced maternal age. No matter what the challenge, God will fulfill your desires in a way you may never thought was possible.
When I was in high school I was sold the idea of feminism. Everyone told me that I needed to get a good degree, followed by a good job. I was told not to marry young and to always use protection so that I didn't have to worry about having children interrupting my life...
I am so glad that I saw through that BS early. I'm now 23 and about to be married, planning on a big family and being a stay at home, homeschooling mum, and I have never been happier. I get to take care of my house, make sure that we have good food to eat, make sure that all of our bills are paid and appointments are made, and be the caretaker of our life at home. My fiancé comes home from work happy and relaxed because he knows that the house stuff (except taking out the trash) will be taken care of and he doesn't have to worry about doing that stuff himself. I wouldn't trade the life I have for anything.
This is so beautiful!
As someone that knows mostly liberal people and who desperately wants a family, it is annoying when some try to convince me out of having children and some tell me to have children on my own but most respect my wish.
I hear of some people saying it is selfish to have children but I don't alien myself with them.
It does trouble me that so many people including women say they don't know if they want children and their in their 30s. My best friend isn't sure, she likes the dink lifestyle. I think she will grow to regret it.
I kind of hate living in this culture of don't sacrifice for others, there is no community (apart from my vegan community of course)
Everyone is in it for themselves, everyone is on their own. Matt Walsh was saying something the other day, not sure if he is right but it struck me - he said that the reason the Democrats want everyone to stay single and unmarried is to make them more dependant on the government.
While I dont think Dems are doing anything on purpose, it makes sense that unmarried women feel more comfortable with gov benefits or abortion, because they need it the most. Despite what mens rights activists say, I still feel women need protection more. They are more likely to be a domestic violence sufferer than men and they can fall pregnant.
I honestly don't think I will find a guy who wants a family. I feel they are all just after fun and no commitment. It's frustrating!
 Considering how less than 3% of articles in feminist literature, talk about motherhood and less than half of all feminists have children I am not surprised. Feminists hate children. one tried to abolish motherhood, and said pregnancy was barbaric. She died alone in her flat of starvation, and it was several days before her body was found.