Feminists Hate Motherhood. Here's Why.
Plus, A.V. Club is this Thursday!
Hello friends and happy Tuesday! I hope you’re doing well today and that you have a wonderful week ahead of you. I had a wonderful Sunday with my family celebrating my birthday and it was a blast. I still can’t believe I live so close to everyone that we can just have an impromptu birthday party whenever we like! How cool is that?
As I sit here writing on my computer, my son is playing with his rattle next to me. He is lying in his playgym, his head cradled in his boppy, looking over at me every so often and smiling as I make faces at him. He is hitting all his developmental milestones, gaining weight well, and has yet to have any screen time. I nurse him to sleep because my schedule is flexible; he doesn’t take a bottle because, for the most part, he doesn’t need to; and even though he doesn’t sleep through the night quite yet, I don’t mind because if I really need to take a nap, I can.
This is the life I dreamed of - being actively involved in my children’s lives while also being free to work from home. I am learning how to become a better homemaker; I am loving motherhood; I’m even considering homeschooling if it makes sense for us.
Traditional, classic women know that children are the most important thing in our lives. Our fulfillment comes from raising the next generation, of creating civilized humans, of not simply having children, but forming them into who they should be. Any personal dreams we have (often, those that defined us and gave us meaning before motherhood) are secondary to this endeavor. The dreams that we pursue outside of the home can never come anywhere close to the purpose we feel in seeing our children reach their full-fledged potential, not through career or high achievement, but through their goodness, kindness, and contribution as upstanding members of society.
Feminists, on the other hand, hate motherhood.
They view children as an obstacle in the way of women’s liberation.
If women’s fulfillment is only found in career or academic achievement, then children will always be in the way. Children are no longer the mainstay of women’s happiness - instead, they are an albatross around women’s necks, an anchor weighing women’s ambitions down and keeping them from “greatness.”
Think about those days where you’re trying to get things done, but your baby is crying or your toddler wants to play or your ten-year-old needs some focused attention. It’s frustrating! All you want to do is complete your task, and yet you have to turn away from whatever it is that you are doing and focus on your child.
For the traditional and classic woman, this is a moment where you reprioritize. What’s more important, my child or my project? Of course, you know the answer and you remember that whatever you’re working on can wait while you take care of this tiny person whose life has been entrusted to you.
But for feminists, this situation is indicative of the greater problem women face. “You’re constantly interrupted!” they might say. “What about you and your dreams? What about the things you want to accomplish? Are you constantly going to put them on hold?”
It’s not just ardent feminists who think like this, mind you. This narrative is spread through media far and wide. It’s the accepted position that women are told over and over again. “Put yourself first.” Your dreams are about your own selfish pursuits, not the best interests of your child or your family.
But even if feminists won’t tell you not to have children anymore (though that was a popular political position in the 70’s women’s liberation movement), they will warn you not to “lose yourself” in motherhood. “Don’t lose who you are once you have children. You are more than a mother. You have to get out of the house so you can pursue your dreams.”
Instead of recognizing that there are times in which a mother has to work and has to help provide for her family, work becomes a necessary part of defining who you are. You can’t simply be a mother - since anyone can do it, you have to do something unique to your skillset. How can you reach your potential if you are constantly focusing on more menial tasks? What the feminist movement forgets to account for is the fact that your child only has one unique mother - and that’s you. Only you will be your child’s mother because only you can be. There will always be a replacement for you if you don’t do your job, but there will never be a replacement for you in your child’s life.
So who loses out?
Children. Children lose the mothers who are supposed to put their needs first, who are supposed to care for their development beyond just their survival. Children, who benefit from their mothers presence more than anything else, are left to fend for themselves while women “get what they want.”
And what’s really sad? Women aren’t actually happier for all this “empowerment” they are supposedly getting by leaving their babies and going out to “fulfill their potential.” More than half of women with children under 18 would prefer to be at home.
Love your babies. Love yourself by following your instincts to raise and develop your children. And at the end of the day, you’ll love yourself far more than any feminist.
What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
This Month’s Book Club Selection!
I’m excited to share this month’s book club selection! This month we are reading non-fiction (we switch up month-to-month) and the book we will be reading is…The Lifegiving Home: Creating A Place of Belonging and Becoming! I’ve been wanting to read some books about homemaking, and this looks perfect. It’s from a Christian perspective, so for my Christian followers, I think you’ll really enjoy that part of it! I can’t wait to discuss it with you all.
THIS THURSDAY: A.V. Club at 8:30 PM EST
TOMORROW at 8:30 PM EST is our A.V. Club discussion where we will be talking about Little Women. Make sure to watch both movies (the 1933 version and the 1994 version) before then and I look forward to hearing what you think! If you’d like to watch it with your friends, have them join the fun by becoming premium subscribers.
What You Might Have Missed At Classically Abby…
Quote of the Week:
“Be a curator of your life. Slowly cut things out until you’re left only with what you love, with what’s necessary, with what makes you happy.” - Leo Babauta
Classic Style Inspo
I had never thought about wearing brown until a few months ago, but I got a comment recently that I look uniquely good in brown and ever since then I’ve embraced the color! Try colors that you would never think of wearing and see how they work on your skin tone - you may find that you really like them!
Things I’ve Been Loving: Folex Stain Cleaner
Okay, so technically this is a carpet spot remover but, man, I use this on pretty much EVERYTHING! I use it on my furniture, on my rugs, on my carpets - even on my clothes before they go in the washing machine. This stuff is MAGIC!
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Do you know the song Let them Be Little by Billy Dean? It says, "Give them hope, give them praise, give them love everyday. Let them cry, let them giggle, O let them be little." When I hear the lyrics, I think about helping raise children in my community. And these are jobs that I simply enjoy doing.
Motherhood is very self-sacrificial of your time and energy. But they make a world of difference to a little one and it is fun! And there can still be a balance of taking care of your own projects.
So, here's the thing... and it may not be well accepted in 2022 because we can't hold two seemingly contradictory opinions at once (for whatever reason). Personally, while I've never wanted to be a mother and am a selfish woman who focuses on her career, I applaud and admire classic women who have children, love them, and raise them to be good citizens.
I'm VERY aware of the fact that I could never do that. Whether you're a housewife, homeschooling kids, or have kids + career (work remotely), kudos to you for doing something I'm not strong enough or selfless enough to do. Hey, I own it. And I'll give credit where credit is due.
So, I don't think the problem is women like me (women who don't want kids and want to focus on something else). I think the problem is women like me who feel the need to impose their own beliefs on everyone else who chooses another path.