What about those of us who are infertile and so desperately want to be a "real" mother. My husband and I have 2 cats that we pour our love and nurturing into while trying to set up our lives for foster care (hopefully).
While I don't call them "fur babies", they're what I have right now. I feel like this perspective gets lost. The infertile are constantly forgotten in terms of what it means to be a woman or to have a loving family.
Hi Katie. I'm so sorry that you're going through infertility. I can only imagine your pain. I understand the need and want to raise animals as a placeholder for having children. But I think what's so important to recognize is that you are setting things in place to raise children through foster care! That in and of itself shows that you have your priorities in order. Being a responsible pet owner is a wonderful thing, but I think it's important we all use words in their proper context. You are doing what you can at this time in your life, and that's something I think we all can respect.
I finally watched the YAF "Culture" video. I really wish I had someone at that age giving me that good advice, Abby. I have had a lot of VERY HARD lessons I have learned on my journey through life that could have been prevented knowing what I know now. Thank you for teaching young people about what REALLY matters. When you said " Instead of changing the world, I let the world change me." Gosh it hit me like a ton of bricks because that is how I have felt for years but could not phrase it as well as you!
I always hated the " dog mom" phenomenon!!! It always drove me nuts. Taking care of a dog is not like taking care of your own child. On the other hand, I do know of an infertile couple who frequently post on social media about dog parenting. They also post about being "Childfree and NOT by choice" due to a 5 year struggle with infertility and trying every method out there to get pregnant and it not working. So in that case, I understand how they feel. Dogs are all they have for the time being. I did grow up in a cat-loving family, and to this day many people in my family call themselves " Cat Guardians," but it is because the cats owned us, we did not own them!!! ( all very tongue in cheek!)
The other one that always annoys me are the "Wine Moms" who constantly post about how their children drive them crazy and they want to get together and overindulge in wine. Children are a blessing, they are SUPPOSED to annoy you they are YOUR CHILD. It is just the way it is. They are a little person trying to figure out the world. They don't come out of the mother's body a well adjusted woman in her 30s who wants to be your BFF.
Oh please. How hard can looking after a dog be compared to a child. Not saying pets aren’t difficult but that’s a walk in the park compared to children. Motherhood rocks.
It's a very American thing to think dogs are people. Where I'm from, dogs are dogs and babies are babies. Thinking a dog is a baby just leads to bad dog behavior.
Having said that, I think you should be REALLY happy that all these liberal new-age women are owning dogs instead of being moms. How's why:
People who have dogs and no kids aren't passing on their genes.
It's actually a win-win, people who want to actually raise a kid and do it right can do that. Unfit parent-people find happiness in a dog or cat. Over time, if people aren't passing on these independent-you-do-you genes, there will be less of them.
You put this into such thoughtful words. Great job! or as my dog would say "woof!" Thank you for this validating post! As an aspiring mama (i don't have a hubby-yet, i long for the days a man will make me his) i will be so offended when dog owners say that their parenting is the same as my future childrens. Sometimes I wonder what on earth is going on these days with people!
I see so many of my twenty something year old peers who are in stable relationships, have great jobs, would make amazing mothers, and yet pour their lives into their dogs. I cant help but think these women are subconsciously replacing babies with pets in their lives. Dont get me wrong, I ADORE animals. But a dog does not compare to a child.
In a similar vein, I recently went to a wedding where children were not allowed, but the couple's dogs were featured in the ceremony 🤷🏻♀️ theres a lot to unpack there but a society that normalizes putting dogs above children is not a healthy one.
Children are optional in regards to wether I chose to get pregnant in the first place. Do not distort this into a pro-abortion argument. I am talking about my freedom to remain celibate (not talking about birth control either, I don't take any, don't want to sleep with strangers and why fix something if it works?), until I am in the position to raise a child. That's my freedom, the government can't force me to get married and get pregnant, until the right time has come. This freedom prevents abortion.
With that being said, pet ownership and being a parent are different, objectively. The communication is less sophisticated and the power is more than unbalanced. Pet ownership is wonderful, it is simply a different category under the umbrella of guardianship.
What about those of us who are infertile and so desperately want to be a "real" mother. My husband and I have 2 cats that we pour our love and nurturing into while trying to set up our lives for foster care (hopefully).
While I don't call them "fur babies", they're what I have right now. I feel like this perspective gets lost. The infertile are constantly forgotten in terms of what it means to be a woman or to have a loving family.
Hi Katie. I'm so sorry that you're going through infertility. I can only imagine your pain. I understand the need and want to raise animals as a placeholder for having children. But I think what's so important to recognize is that you are setting things in place to raise children through foster care! That in and of itself shows that you have your priorities in order. Being a responsible pet owner is a wonderful thing, but I think it's important we all use words in their proper context. You are doing what you can at this time in your life, and that's something I think we all can respect.
I finally watched the YAF "Culture" video. I really wish I had someone at that age giving me that good advice, Abby. I have had a lot of VERY HARD lessons I have learned on my journey through life that could have been prevented knowing what I know now. Thank you for teaching young people about what REALLY matters. When you said " Instead of changing the world, I let the world change me." Gosh it hit me like a ton of bricks because that is how I have felt for years but could not phrase it as well as you!
I'm so glad you enjoyed it! That means a lot!
I always hated the " dog mom" phenomenon!!! It always drove me nuts. Taking care of a dog is not like taking care of your own child. On the other hand, I do know of an infertile couple who frequently post on social media about dog parenting. They also post about being "Childfree and NOT by choice" due to a 5 year struggle with infertility and trying every method out there to get pregnant and it not working. So in that case, I understand how they feel. Dogs are all they have for the time being. I did grow up in a cat-loving family, and to this day many people in my family call themselves " Cat Guardians," but it is because the cats owned us, we did not own them!!! ( all very tongue in cheek!)
The other one that always annoys me are the "Wine Moms" who constantly post about how their children drive them crazy and they want to get together and overindulge in wine. Children are a blessing, they are SUPPOSED to annoy you they are YOUR CHILD. It is just the way it is. They are a little person trying to figure out the world. They don't come out of the mother's body a well adjusted woman in her 30s who wants to be your BFF.
Oh please. How hard can looking after a dog be compared to a child. Not saying pets aren’t difficult but that’s a walk in the park compared to children. Motherhood rocks.
Yes!! I love dogs so much, but NOTHING will ever replace CHILDREN! I almost cringe when I hear "dog mom."
It's a very American thing to think dogs are people. Where I'm from, dogs are dogs and babies are babies. Thinking a dog is a baby just leads to bad dog behavior.
Having said that, I think you should be REALLY happy that all these liberal new-age women are owning dogs instead of being moms. How's why:
People who have dogs and no kids aren't passing on their genes.
It's actually a win-win, people who want to actually raise a kid and do it right can do that. Unfit parent-people find happiness in a dog or cat. Over time, if people aren't passing on these independent-you-do-you genes, there will be less of them.
Abigail,
You put this into such thoughtful words. Great job! or as my dog would say "woof!" Thank you for this validating post! As an aspiring mama (i don't have a hubby-yet, i long for the days a man will make me his) i will be so offended when dog owners say that their parenting is the same as my future childrens. Sometimes I wonder what on earth is going on these days with people!
Thanks again,
I see so many of my twenty something year old peers who are in stable relationships, have great jobs, would make amazing mothers, and yet pour their lives into their dogs. I cant help but think these women are subconsciously replacing babies with pets in their lives. Dont get me wrong, I ADORE animals. But a dog does not compare to a child.
In a similar vein, I recently went to a wedding where children were not allowed, but the couple's dogs were featured in the ceremony 🤷🏻♀️ theres a lot to unpack there but a society that normalizes putting dogs above children is not a healthy one.
Children are optional in regards to wether I chose to get pregnant in the first place. Do not distort this into a pro-abortion argument. I am talking about my freedom to remain celibate (not talking about birth control either, I don't take any, don't want to sleep with strangers and why fix something if it works?), until I am in the position to raise a child. That's my freedom, the government can't force me to get married and get pregnant, until the right time has come. This freedom prevents abortion.
With that being said, pet ownership and being a parent are different, objectively. The communication is less sophisticated and the power is more than unbalanced. Pet ownership is wonderful, it is simply a different category under the umbrella of guardianship.
I’ve actually heard people say that they should be able to claim their dogs on taxes 🙄 where do people get these ideas?
I totally agree with everything you said!