16 Comments
Jan 26, 2022Liked by Classically Abby

I actually have strong feelings on this topic! I no longer believe men and women can be platonic friends. I am single and only have one male friendship with a gay man from college, there is truly no danger at all of anything happening. There are straight men I am friends with from college or previous jobs, but I limit my contact with them to emails and online messaging. A high school friend who is male contacted me last year, we found out we now live in the same neighborhood. He told me in an online message " I don't think we can date since you are Catholic and I am athiest, but we can hang out." I thought it was a bizarre thing to start a conversation with to being with, but I wrote him back that I have a personal policy of only having female friends, but would be glad to be Facebook friends. He told me he was surprised, but understood. Once in a while he will send me a funny Baby Yoda meme and I will sent one back. Nothing has come of it and never will.

I like having crystal clear boundaries in life. It may seem harsh, but I think it provides a LOT of clarity. It has also made me better invest in my female friendships. While I love getting dressed up and meeting female friends out for lunch/dinner, I also enjoy hosting them at my home. It is a TRUE " Girl's Night." We wear sweats/loungewear, no makeup, eat pizza and watch Lifetime or Hallmark and chat. I leave a clean blanket out for each person to snuggle in. Maybe we have a cocktail or some hot tea. I enjoy these night immensely as do my female friends. I also realized that if I would not be comfortable hosting someone at my home dressed and behaving in this manner, we cannot be friends. So that takes ALL men out for me!

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Jan 26, 2022Liked by Classically Abby

I think having close male friends can be very complicated.

If you're single, you need to establish very early on that you both are just friends. But even then, someone can always catch feelings later on, and if the feelings aren't mutual, it can lead to a very awkward situation...

If you're married, probably not a good idea to make any new single male friends. Why even open up the possibility of something unsavory happening. Even if your partner trusts you 100%, I don't think it's worth the risk of casting doubt in thier heart.

As a married women myself, the ONLY close male friends I have are gay, and I don't see that being an issue, as it literally can't lead to anything lol.

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Jan 26, 2022Liked by Classically Abby

I’ve always thought that single men and women can be friends as long as they both communicate exactly what they want out of the relationship and set clear boundaries. We’re all adults here, and we can act as such and not always make things sexual. On the other hand, I don’t think it’s ok for a married woman to spend time with a male friend (married or not) by herself, and vice versa for men. It would be crossing a line. Looking at my own friendships with men, however, and thinking about the point that Abby made, I can see what she means and it makes me rethink what I believe on this topic.

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Jan 26, 2022Liked by Classically Abby

My husband and I also follow the “rule” that we do not have opposite gender friends. In our opinion, unless it is a professional/business relationship or someone you see very sparingly within a group of friends, having a “friendship” with the opposite gender is not a friendship at all. I agree that one person in the relationship will have feelings (if not both), and it’s not very respectful to your partner to put yourself in that kind of situation where feelings are possible, even if you yourself are not the one feeling that way. I love your commentary on this!

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Jan 26, 2022Liked by Classically Abby

Only in the context of friendships with another couple, where husband and wife are both friends with another couple.

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author

Here's a link to my last livestream, for those who missed it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9RH_en1xYY&t=2028s

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People can have friendships with all sorts of people, lets not discriminate honestly.

My BEST friend is a guy and we have no feelings for one another, he is having his vows renewed with his wife next month and they both asked me to be the flower girl.

Shaun and I spend time together without his wife and nothing ever happens. Brooke (his wife) and I are also friends and she is not jealous or worried.

I am also friends with sooo many guys and the feelings are just non romantic. I enjoy my friendships with guys and they go in and out of relationships so nothing is ever going to happen.

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I don’t believe in opposite sex friendships. Even if people remain respectful, personally I believe it’s incredibly rare if not impossible for someone to not end up developing feelings.

I don’t think women and men bond in friendships the same way - and the way women bond with each other, when they do so with men, almost inevitably leads to feelings. I don’t think most women who disregard this understand that men don’t generally have the type of friendships he has with you. He is having a special friendship with you that he doesn’t usually have with other women - probably because he has feelings. To be honest the women I know with lots of male friends are leading them on (intentionally or not). It’s a mismatch of understanding the opposite sex.

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Somewhat related- How do you guys make female friends as an adult?? 😫

Since moving I find it so hard to make friends with other girls. My social circle is basically just my husband's friends and the people I talk to at work.

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I think that single people should only meet with the opposite sex in groups. It helps to avoid temptation.

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