I’m SO Glad I Waited To Have Sex Until Marriage. Here’s Why.
When I was in college, I was very open about the fact that I was waiting to have sex until I get married. It was always shocking to my friends to hear me state it so openly and bluntly, but it was a part of my value system that I felt no shame in sharing.
Once, a male friend of mine who had at one point expressed interest in dating me, heard me say that I was waiting until marriage. He scoffed and said, “You wouldn’t buy a car without test driving it. How can you marry someone you’ve never slept with?” He thought he’d said something really smart, but of course, I left unconvinced.
Now, as a married woman, I can safely say I am SO glad I waited until marriage to have sex. And today, I want to share why with you. It’s not always easy to stand by your choices, but this is one I can confidently say I would never change. And for those of you who aren’t married yet, I hope it gives you strength to wait until marriage, too.
I felt safe. After Jacob and I got married, I remember turning to him and saying, “I don’t know how people do this without being married.” Sharing this most intimate act with another person is an amazing and incredible thing. The idea of sharing it with someone who you aren’t totally committed to is a recipe for disaster. Would you share your social security number with someone you didn’t 100% trust? And that’s not even your physical and spiritual self! Giving someone the gift of your body and soul should not be taken lightly. The feeling of spiritual elevation you get from sharing yourself with one person, with your soulmate, that is something that cannot be topped. On top of protecting my heart by only having sex with my husband, having sex with the man who had promised himself wholly to me also allowed me to enjoy sex more. Sex is NOT just physical, and anyone who tells you otherwise is lying to you. Sex is emotional and mental, and if you aren’t able to relax and trust the person you are doing it with, you won’t have as much fun! Having sex only with my husband gave me the chance to always view sex as a fun and open experience, and one that I could totally lose myself in because I know that Jacob will always be by my side.
If I were to get pregnant, it would be with the right person in God’s timing. No one wants to admit it these days, but sex and pregnancy are inherently linked. It’s really important for us to understand that pregnancy is not an unnatural result of sex, but the most natural result of sex. We have just been able to find ways around it with modern technology. But recognizing that pregnancy could always happen when you’re having sex means that you should only be having sex with a man who you want to be the father of your child. By waiting to have sex until I got married, I knew that even if we were to get pregnant before we had planned, I would have a support system in place and I’d be doing it with the only man I’d want to raise children with. Sex must be treated with the respect it deserves – and since it can bring a human life into being, it should only be done in the best of circumstances.
I truly understood the value of sex. We recently read the Joy of Intimacy for the Classically Abby book club, and it put into words many of the thoughts and feelings I had previously had about sex. One of those things is the idea that sex is not simply a physical need or want, like eating or exercise. It’s an emotional expression of intimacy. When people have sex before marriage, they are taking sex out of its most beautiful context. It’s the physical expression of, “I am sharing this experience with you so that I can be so physically close to you that we are almost like one body. I am sharing this experience with you because I love you and am committed to you.” The beauty of sex within marriage is that it is a gift you each give the other because you are opening yourselves to true oneness. You can’t do that with someone you haven’t made a lifelong commitment to. Or, if you do, you’ll find that you are deeply wounded when the commitment isn’t there.
It made sex so much more exciting because I only GOT to do it when I got married. By waiting to have sex until I got married, sex became this amazing thing I only had the opportunity to engage in with my husband. For women who have sex before they get married, they have bachelorette parties where they mourn the fact that they will only get to have sex with one man for the rest of their lives. For women who wait until marriage, they are so excited to actually get to have sex with their true love! How much more positive is that outlook? I couldn’t wait to get married for many reasons, but one of those reasons was getting to have sex with my husband. My bachelorette party was only celebratory for that reason.
So, that’s why I am so glad that I waited. Even though it may not be the most popular choice in 2022, who cares? It’s the best one.
What are your thoughts? Let me know in the comments below!
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: This Month's Book Club Selection!
I’m excited to share this month’s book club selection! This month we are reading fiction (we switch up month-to-month), and I can’t wait. The book we will be reading is…Catch-22! I’ve never read it, so I’m looking forward to diving in.
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I'm a wife, mama-to-be, opera singer, entrepreneur, YouTuber, and your guide to becoming the classic woman you've always wanted to be! Follow me on YouTube, Instagram, and Twitter to see how! And together, let's be classic.
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Amen to all of this. I'm 28 and still a virgin and have always been made fun of, talked about, or looked at weirdly when I would tell schoolmates and family proudly in the past that I was still a virgin. It was always the same question asked afterwards, "Why?" Thinking about everything now, it's so sad how many women and men just never understood the importance, beauty, and value of waiting. They still don't today. But waiting to have sex until marriage, for this long, has always been one of the things I've been proud of, not just for myself, but with my relationship with God.
Great thoughts Abby! I just subscribed!
I waited until marriage too ☺️ ok maybe a weird perk here, at least for us haha... and probably tmi... is (not sure how to say this without sounding weird 🤭) we're pretty basic? lol. I mean we don't need anything extra? like we don't need porn or toys (don't get me wrong, if a married couple enjoys "accessories" more power to them) or certain conditions such as if we had just argued 30 minutes prior. it's just satisfying ya know? I worry about young people now being so inundated with porn and Instagram and onlyfans; how their sexuality has to be so "extra"... will they be satisfied with their partner as the years roll by? with monogamy? I think our biggest hope lies in the self-discipline that comes with the spiritual self-discipline of having a relationship with God, it starts there I think, and is a great way to see how valuable you are and that abstinence until marriage is a gift that you give yourself. Great column, Miss Abby 🙂 can't wait to see your sweet baby.