How To STOP Your Friends From Flaking On You!
Plus, announcing this month's book club selection!
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January 17, 2023 at 8:30 PM EST: Watch The Young Victoria and LIVE CHAT on the Substack App!
January 19, 2023 at 8:30 PM EST: Movie Club/Girl Chat
February 9, 2023 at 8:30 PM EST: Book Club
This Month’s Movie Club Selection!
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ANNOUNCING: This Month’s Book Club Selection
I’m excited to announce our next book club selection! This month we are reading non-fiction (we switch up month-to-month), and I think this is a good fit for the new year. The book we will be reading is…The Happiness Hypothesis! I think it will give us a lot to think about. Happy reading (no pun intended)!
What You Might Have Missed At Classically Abby…
Quote of the Week:
“Contentment does not come from achievement.” - Paul Henderson
Classic Style Inspo
I. MISS. BOOTS. Okay, I said it. 😂 There’s nothing I miss about cold weather, but I do love cold weather fashion. And a great pair of boots is an amazing accessory! In the depths of winter, a functional boot is all you need. But if there’s no snow on the ground and you can manage to wear a riding boot or a heeled leather boot - your outfit will go from good to great.
Things I’ve Been Loving: Kitchen Sink Squeegee/Brush
I recently got this for my sink and I LOVE IT. It’s such a great tool to keep your sink clean! If you’re like me, your countertops are always wet and food collects in the corners of your washbasin. This little tool deals with all of those problems and then sits unobtrusively on the edge of your sink. So great!
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I'm a wife, mama, opera singer, entrepreneur, YouTuber, and your guide to becoming the classic woman you've always wanted to be! Follow me on YouTube, Instagram, and Twitter to see how! And together, let's be classic.
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How To STOP Your Friends From Flaking On You!
Hello lovely friends and happy Tuesday! Welcome to another edition of my newsletter. I’m so excited that I just launched my new podcast, The Classically Abby Podcast! It’s a totally new venture for me, and I am loving the challenge so far. Please leave your thoughts in the comments below - I’d love to know what you think! As well, make sure to subscribe on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.
In other news, we had a stroller saga this past weekend. Essentially, we were walking on Sabbath when one of the wheels of our stroller broke off! It was scary because Mr. Baby was in it at the time - thank God, he was totally fine. At first, we thought we needed to buy a whole new stroller, which we actually went out and did, but then we realized that all that we needed was a new wheel. So…we are currently waiting for the new wheel to be sent over, we have to return the replacement stroller that we bought, and I purchased a travel stroller in the meantime. Are your eyes glazing over yet?
Well, it all worked out because the travel stroller we bought is actually great, and we can use it in the future when we take trips. So I guess all’s well that ends well!
Last week, I teased that we were going to be hosting a murder mystery party and I might share how to host one yourselves. Well, the party was truly amazing, but it got me to thinking. More than sharing the specifics of hosting a murder mystery party - which I highly recommend - I felt it was important to discuss why it was such a hit and why not one single friend flaked out.
If you have flaky friends, you know how frustrating it can be. You plan an evening. You tell everyone to come over. People respond lazily, saying they’ll do their best to make it. And then suddenly, the night of, you start getting texts.
“Sorry, I had the craziest day. I’m too tired to be there.”
“Sorry, the traffic looks awful. I don’t think I can come.”
And by the time the party starts, half of the people you invited are no-shows. It’s so depressing.
But why does that happen? Why do people flake out, and why do they feel like it’s totally fine rather than rude? And how do we get them to actually commit?
I think it all comes down to the idea of “hanging out.” If you went to college, you’ll remember how people used to get together in each other’s dorm rooms and casually wander down the hall to see one another. It was casual, easy, and expected. As people grew up, moved apart, and put distance in between each other - the easy “hang outs” became less easy. And the buy-in was too low for anyone to actually commit.
Essentially, when people don’t feel like their presence is going to change the overall tenor of the evening, they don’t feel bad about not showing up. If it’s just people hanging out, then they don’t really need to be there. So why would they make the 25-minute drive across town for something so blah? (To be clear, that’s their perspective, not mine.)
So how do you get them to stop flaking out? By creating buy-in. For example, when I sent out the WhatsApp invitation to my Murder Mystery Party, everyone knew they were going to get a role and they knew that each role was necessary to the evening. The party was also 1930’s themed, so many people purchased costume pieces to wear. People also needed to prepare for the party and practice their characters and accents a little bit in advance.
Essentially, everyone had put in enough time and effort in advance, that to miss the party would be almost unthinkable. Another version of this? Asking everyone to chip in $5 to help pay for snacks. If everyone Venmo’s you $5 in advance of the party, that’s literal buy-in. They spent their money on your event, and they won’t want to miss it.
It’s counter-intuitive. Often, we think that if we ask more of people upfront, they won’t want to participate in the first place. So we do the low overhead “hang out” and hope that our friends show up. But that’s a mistake. People want to go to parties that are a little different. They want to put in effort and know that their presence is important. A costume party; a murder mystery night; an escape room; all of these require something of the people attending. And people won’t flake the night of for an event they’ve prepared for.
Our murder mystery party was an absolute hit. We told everyone their roles in advance. We followed the instructions to a T and told everyone to stay in character as much as they could for the duration of the evening. We put on a 1930s train ambience video on our TV and played 1930s classics on our speakers. We had anticipated that everyone would leave around 11 PM, but people stayed till 1 AM - and we all have kids, so that’s super late for us!
With a little bit of planning and forethought, you can have a party no one flakes on, too. What do you think? Have you ever held a themed party? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Abby! I'm watching the podcast YouTube video and those curls look AMAZING on you!!! Did you use a curling iron?
Edit: OK you just mentioned hot rollers! I will be trying this.
I’ve never hosted a themed party myself. Yours sounded like fun and that idea of having people chip in to participate was genius because they’d have more of an incentive to attend.