Hello classic crew, and welcome to this week’s discussion thread! Today, I want to discuss “breaking up” with friends. Do you ever think it’s warranted? Have you ever done so? I can’t wait to hear what you think!
Great question! I think the answer depends on the circumstances. A lot of times, if a friendship isn’t working (your interests/opinions have grown too dissimilar, you’re both now in different stages of your lives, etc.), it will just kind of fizzle out on its own.
But if you have a friend whose behavior is hurting you, and you’ve tried bringing this to their attention and they won’t change their behavior, I think you’re definitely justified in ending that friendship.
I have/had friends who are both conservative and liberal. While I've never personally broken up with anyone, I've been broken up with A LOT in the last few years, all by woke people (so I used to work at a school in Manhattan and most of my co-workers were very woke). It would usually be something small, like me not fully agreeing with their hashtag movement of the week and then it was... Bye! Blocked. Unfriended. Unfollowed. Never to hear from them again... even after years of working together and being friends.
It was shocking at first, but once that wore off, I was relieved.
Most of my friends now (since I quit teaching) are moderates or conservatives. The best part is... we can actually talk and disagree. It doesn't turn into a giant fight that ends with them slamming the door in my face.
I did it before, but I feel like thoseare usually people you never really were friends with from the beginning.
I think it's warranted when they don't treat you nicely, differences in opinion are usually no problem to me. (But I never met somebody yet who had really extreme views)
I can relate to this question a lot as I have had to break off friendships. I was told when growing up that I would make my best friends in college. I had made a couple of good friends in college and as we were getting our first jobs out of college, I had realized that a coupe of my friendships were holding be down instead of building myself up. Therefore I had to let two of my friends go. I had always thought they would be in my wedding someday! However, since distancing myself, i have been able to maintain some of my true friendships.
I think it is important to reflect upon our close friends and ask yourself, “Do I feel good about myself after hanging out with a friend, or so I feel more negative or down?”
In one of my favorite books by a Catholic author named Matthew Kelly, “The Seven Levels of Intimacy: The Art of Loving and the Joy of Being Loved,”
He talks about how friendships can come in our life and they might not be forever. You might have to let go of some in order to be the best version of yourself. It can be hard and it was very hard on me to let some friends go. But looking back it was the right decision as Those friendships were becoming toxic. However, I am now able to continue to work on being the best version of myself and to better serve God.
I’ve let friendships fade and die a natural death rather than purposely dropping them. Usually the pattern was, they were friendly enough when we lived near one another. Yes, they were a bit annoying in some way, but I could overlook it. Then I moved, and we wrote to one another. They wrote very infrequently or not at all after a while. When I came to visit, they didn’t have time to see me, eventually I stopped trying, myself. After a while I didn’t miss the contact. At this point, my best friends now are my husband and children.
I broke up with a "friend" once when I found out that she knew my boyfriend at the time was cheating on me, and didn't tell me. When I confronted her about it, she said it was unethical for me to have expect her to tell me something. Needless to say, I broke up with 2 people that day.
I’ve had to break up with a friend before. It was really just a matter of what each of us wanted and needed in a friend. We weren’t able to be there for each other in the way we needed, and our ways of showing love were not compatible with how we wanted to receive love. It led to constant hurt feelings and miscommunications, and at the end of the day no one wants to be friends with someone who consistently makes them feel worse, even if it isn’t intentional. I don’t have any hard feelings toward her, but I’m much happier now that she’s not in my life anymore (as much as I’ve grieved the friendship over the years!) It’s funny because we were on opposite ends of the political spectrum and that never came between us at all. Sometimes people really just aren’t compatible!
Yes I have and believe it’s important to know you can breakup with a friend to move on in life and grow and sometimes people from the past don’t want that for you. They take another direction or you do. There are multiple good reasons this is okay like when you decide to stop drinking and your precious friends drink and party or a previous guy friend won’t stop flirting or pushing boundaries or a girlfriend talks poorly about you behind your back. I’ve been overly nice in the past and kept negative people around thinking I needed to for the sake of being nice.
I’ve definitely distanced myself from many friends in the last five years or so. For me it was because those relationships were either impeding my personal growth or I couldn’t be my genuine self around them. I think it’s definitely a net positive thing to do. I’ve noticed that after cutting people off, the relationships I have are so much better. I’m able to see that the people around me have been with me through many seasons of my life without judgement or question. I’m really proud of the personal growth I’ve undergone throughout my post-college life (about seven years). I couldn’t stay friends with people who encouraged a lifestyle that I wasn’t proud to have participated in.
I really love these responses. Onwards and upwards ladies!
I had to break up about ten years ago with my " best friend." We were SO close since college. She got engaged and told me she was not asking me to be in her wedding because my large breasts would be a distraction from her on her " big day." I've never been so insulted in my life. I chose to completely cut her off after a short explanation as to why and her response was trying to gaslight me into thinking I was the one at fault. It was worse than a breakup with a guy. It took me years to even be able to talk about it. Cutting her out of my life was necessary, but it was SO hard. I hope none of you ever have to go through something this painful and insulting from a girlfriend.
Great question! I think the answer depends on the circumstances. A lot of times, if a friendship isn’t working (your interests/opinions have grown too dissimilar, you’re both now in different stages of your lives, etc.), it will just kind of fizzle out on its own.
But if you have a friend whose behavior is hurting you, and you’ve tried bringing this to their attention and they won’t change their behavior, I think you’re definitely justified in ending that friendship.
I have/had friends who are both conservative and liberal. While I've never personally broken up with anyone, I've been broken up with A LOT in the last few years, all by woke people (so I used to work at a school in Manhattan and most of my co-workers were very woke). It would usually be something small, like me not fully agreeing with their hashtag movement of the week and then it was... Bye! Blocked. Unfriended. Unfollowed. Never to hear from them again... even after years of working together and being friends.
It was shocking at first, but once that wore off, I was relieved.
Most of my friends now (since I quit teaching) are moderates or conservatives. The best part is... we can actually talk and disagree. It doesn't turn into a giant fight that ends with them slamming the door in my face.
I did it before, but I feel like thoseare usually people you never really were friends with from the beginning.
I think it's warranted when they don't treat you nicely, differences in opinion are usually no problem to me. (But I never met somebody yet who had really extreme views)
I can relate to this question a lot as I have had to break off friendships. I was told when growing up that I would make my best friends in college. I had made a couple of good friends in college and as we were getting our first jobs out of college, I had realized that a coupe of my friendships were holding be down instead of building myself up. Therefore I had to let two of my friends go. I had always thought they would be in my wedding someday! However, since distancing myself, i have been able to maintain some of my true friendships.
I think it is important to reflect upon our close friends and ask yourself, “Do I feel good about myself after hanging out with a friend, or so I feel more negative or down?”
In one of my favorite books by a Catholic author named Matthew Kelly, “The Seven Levels of Intimacy: The Art of Loving and the Joy of Being Loved,”
He talks about how friendships can come in our life and they might not be forever. You might have to let go of some in order to be the best version of yourself. It can be hard and it was very hard on me to let some friends go. But looking back it was the right decision as Those friendships were becoming toxic. However, I am now able to continue to work on being the best version of myself and to better serve God.
I’ve let friendships fade and die a natural death rather than purposely dropping them. Usually the pattern was, they were friendly enough when we lived near one another. Yes, they were a bit annoying in some way, but I could overlook it. Then I moved, and we wrote to one another. They wrote very infrequently or not at all after a while. When I came to visit, they didn’t have time to see me, eventually I stopped trying, myself. After a while I didn’t miss the contact. At this point, my best friends now are my husband and children.
I broke up with a "friend" once when I found out that she knew my boyfriend at the time was cheating on me, and didn't tell me. When I confronted her about it, she said it was unethical for me to have expect her to tell me something. Needless to say, I broke up with 2 people that day.
I’ve had to break up with a friend before. It was really just a matter of what each of us wanted and needed in a friend. We weren’t able to be there for each other in the way we needed, and our ways of showing love were not compatible with how we wanted to receive love. It led to constant hurt feelings and miscommunications, and at the end of the day no one wants to be friends with someone who consistently makes them feel worse, even if it isn’t intentional. I don’t have any hard feelings toward her, but I’m much happier now that she’s not in my life anymore (as much as I’ve grieved the friendship over the years!) It’s funny because we were on opposite ends of the political spectrum and that never came between us at all. Sometimes people really just aren’t compatible!
Yes I have and believe it’s important to know you can breakup with a friend to move on in life and grow and sometimes people from the past don’t want that for you. They take another direction or you do. There are multiple good reasons this is okay like when you decide to stop drinking and your precious friends drink and party or a previous guy friend won’t stop flirting or pushing boundaries or a girlfriend talks poorly about you behind your back. I’ve been overly nice in the past and kept negative people around thinking I needed to for the sake of being nice.
I’ve definitely distanced myself from many friends in the last five years or so. For me it was because those relationships were either impeding my personal growth or I couldn’t be my genuine self around them. I think it’s definitely a net positive thing to do. I’ve noticed that after cutting people off, the relationships I have are so much better. I’m able to see that the people around me have been with me through many seasons of my life without judgement or question. I’m really proud of the personal growth I’ve undergone throughout my post-college life (about seven years). I couldn’t stay friends with people who encouraged a lifestyle that I wasn’t proud to have participated in.
I really love these responses. Onwards and upwards ladies!
I had to break up about ten years ago with my " best friend." We were SO close since college. She got engaged and told me she was not asking me to be in her wedding because my large breasts would be a distraction from her on her " big day." I've never been so insulted in my life. I chose to completely cut her off after a short explanation as to why and her response was trying to gaslight me into thinking I was the one at fault. It was worse than a breakup with a guy. It took me years to even be able to talk about it. Cutting her out of my life was necessary, but it was SO hard. I hope none of you ever have to go through something this painful and insulting from a girlfriend.