Submit Your Questions!
Livestream Q&A + Book Club Scheduling + Exclusive Article!
LIVESTREAM Q&A: Ask Me Your Questions!
Hello, classic crew premium subscribers! This WEDNESDAY (9/29) at 8 pm EST I’ll be doing my monthly livestream Q&A on YouTube - but I’ll only be answering questions from YOU, the people who have access to my exclusive content here on Substack.
If you have any questions for me, feel free to ask in the comments below! I love answering questions about dating and relationships, faith, and really just getting to know you all. And if you have any more personal questions that you would like to keep anonymous, send them to my email at askclassicallyabby@gmail.com.
Content Pitch Contest!
As a premium subscriber of the Classically Abby Substack newsletter, you get to pitch me YOUR ideas for videos I should make! Each month, I’ll choose one idea from you all to actually RECORD - and I’ll thank you personally for the suggestion. Just leave the name you’d like to be called at the end of your content pitch! Last week, I shared a video where I was “interviewed” by my subscribers which was pitched my premium subscriber Blaire - and it was a ton of fun.
If you would like to suggest a video but remain anonymous, feel free to email me at askclassicallyabby@gmail.com. I can’t wait to hear what you all would like to see!
Book Club Scheduling Survey!
The Classically Abby book club is convening this THURSDAY, but I want to choose the best time for all of you. Please take the survey below and let me know what the best time is for you! I will try to choose a time that works best based on your responses. Let’s do this!
EXCLUSIVE ARTICLE: 5 Reasons The First Year Of Marriage Is The HARDEST
When I first got married, I was told there would be a “honeymoon” period. I believed that the first year would be easy breezy, and that we would barely argue or disagree. Then, about eight months into our marriage, I came across a different opinion. I read somewhere that, actually, the first year of marriage is the hardest.
And I felt SO relieved.
Because for me, the first year of marriage was not always easy. It was fun, it was exciting - but easy? That is definitely NOT the word I would use to describe it. In that first year I had so many fears and concerns that totally disappeared with a little bit of time and a lot of love and care.
Now, three years into our marriage, I can say that the old adage that the first year of marriage is the easiest is simply not true. In my experience, marriage gets easier and more fun over time!
But why is it that the first year of marriage is the hardest? I’m going to share five reasons with you all today. So here we go!
Roommate Problems. If you didn’t live with your husband before you got married, moving in together is a HUGE adjustment. Everyone has certain preferences for the way they keep their home, the way they clean, the way they store their items! And when you’re sharing a home with someone, you end up having to learn how to live with those differences.
But that initial adjustment is HARD. Jacob and I have differences of preference when it comes to cleanliness, for example. Jacob cares a lot about dust and grime; I care a lot about clutter. I hate when things cover all the surfaces of our home; he hates when things aren’t dusted. I had to learn how to come to terms with the fact that Jacob didn’t always see the mess around him, and that I had to take the lead with putting things away. He had to deal with the carpets going unvaccuumed for an extra couple of days, or me leaving my dirty shoes in piles around the front door. And we both had to become more conscious and aware of the other’s pet peeves so that we could improve in those areas.
As time goes on, these roommate problems just work themselves out. Because you love each other, you will both put in the effort NOT to annoy the other person - and over time, you will get into a groove that works for both of you.
Dealing With A Huge Commitment. In case you didn’t know this - marriage is an enormous commitment! Mentally recognizing that you’ve chosen this person for life, that you can’t run away, is a wonderful and scary thing. But in the first year, when you’re learning all of this new information about each other and adjusting to your new life, the recognition that you can’t “get out” can be overwhelming. Even when the problems are really small, we all have an urge to leave when we notice something that makes us uncomfortable. In marriage, though, you have committed yourself to this person in all situations, even those you don’t love.
Realizing that you have truly made the biggest decision of your life takes about a year to set in. After the first year, you aren’t constantly faced with the fear of that choice because you’ve made it over and over and over again over the past 365 days. And making that commitment is the best thing you’ll ever do.
Learning How To Really Compromise. You don’t know how to really compromise until you’re married. Why? Because when you’re married, you must compromise or else you and your husband will be trapped in a prison of your own making. You will argue and fight and never resolve anything. Only by working together as a team will the two of you get better at learning how to compromise over time!
But learning how to actually compromise is really uncomfortable. It means not always getting your way, and making room for the other person’s feelings. And while that’s a wonderful thing and it makes us better as people, it's not always easy to learn. After a year, compromising becomes second nature to you as a couple.
Enmeshing Your Visions For The Future. Before you got married, you had a vision for what the future held. Of course, you chose someone who fit into that picture and made sense for your goals. But when you get married all of a sudden your picture has to make room for someone else’s, and figuring out how to make those two futures work together takes some effort.
Once you’re married, everything the two of you hoped for as individuals now have to be viewed again through the prism of another human being. Figuring out how you can both feel fulfilled in your marriage takes some practice, and it means learning how to view your spouse’s wishes with the same value as your own. That first year is a masterclass in beginning to see your paths as one.
Putting Someone Else’s Needs Above Your Own. Figuring out how to actually put someone else’s needs above your own is a project in and of itself. The whole project of marriage is recognizing your spouse as your other half. In so doing, you elevate their needs to an ultimate level of importance in your life.
This is a lifelong process, but the first year of marriage challenges you more than the rest of your marriage combined. You are going from someone who lived individualistically (necessarily because you were single) to someone who is part of a couple. You get the opportunity to learn how to be a better person through service to one another - and even though that’s a real blessing, it’s a test, too.
And there you have it! The first year of marriage is the hardest because it’s a trial by fire - you are becoming a better version of yourself through your commitment to your spouse. But becoming better? Well, that’s not easy. But it is truly the best thing you will ever do.
What do you think? Let me know in the comments below!
VLOG: Planning A Themed Board Game Night! + let's chat
Welcome to Classically Abby!
I'm your resident #ConservativeInfluencer, cultural commentator, opera singer, fashionista, makeup artist, and wife with a classic take on the modern world. Follow me on YouTube, Instagram, and Twitter to see how! And together, let's be classic.
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Question: Do you think it is possible to be TOO familiar with your spouse? I have a close friend who her and her husband literally have no decorum between them. Not even basic manners or hygiene.