READ: The 3 Best Reasons To Wait To Have Sex Until You’re Married
It's not complicated.
The 3 Best Reasons To Wait To Have Sex Until You’re Married
Waiting to have sex until you’re married is considered weird in today’s day and age. I remember a friend in college asking me how I could even contemplate staying a virgin for my husband. She said, “It’s like buying a car without going for a test drive. You would never do that. Why would you do that with a guy?”
I was shocked. It seemed so obvious to me. The upsides to waiting until marriage were so clear in my mind. But I realized that not everyone had such a good list of reasons…and if she didn’t, she might make a mistake she would truly regret.
So today I thought I would share just a short list of reasons why waiting to have sex until marriage is actually a really good idea. And no, having sex with a guy who you aren’t married to isn’t like test-driving a car. Nor should it be.
The obvious reasons: no STD’s, no unplanned pregnancies. No matter how many times you say to yourself that you’ve taken all of the precautions, when you have sex you are taking a risk.
STD’s range in severity and if they’re left untreated, they can often lead to infertility. If you want children in the future, and you’re not showing symptoms of an STD, you might end up in a worst case scenario. In high school, we had a whole semester on all of the different STD’s and I have never forgotten it. Syphilis literally looks like little drills that dig holes into your brain - and your brain doesn’t grow back. That’s why, in the past, people would lose their minds if syphilis went untreated. Gonorrhea can lead to scarring in the uterus and fallopian tubes if left untreated. And these are just two of the many diseases that are specifically spread through sex.
On top of that, having sex with someone whom you don’t want to be the parent of your children is simply not a risk worth taking. If you can’t see this man or woman raising a child with you, then why are you making a choice that could lead to that very thing? Even if you can see having a child with this person, waiting until you’re married is the only way to guarantee that you will have the support and love you need to raise that child. Having a baby is always a blessing - but providing that child with the best most stable home is so important. And choosing wisely whom to raise your child with leads to the best outcomes.
It allows our hormones to do what they’re supposed to do. Modern women moan and groan about the attachment hormone oxytocin causing them to “catch feelings.” Oxytocin is the hormone that’s released after having sex that makes you feel a wave of love and devotion to your partner. It’s actually a great thing: it makes it so that each time you have sex with your wife or husband, you are bonded more intimately, not just physically but emotionally as well.
Breaking this connection - trying to treat sex like it’s simply a physical act and one devoid of all emotion - is unnatural and infeasible. It’s nice to let your body do what it’s supposed to - your sex life should be inextricably linked with your emotions. And sex should make you closer and more bonded to the person you do it with. Plus, you’ll never have to worry about the person you’ve bonded to leaving because, guess what? You both promised each other that you’re in this for life. And that’s a pretty wonderful and exciting thought.
You get to have better sex because you know what it’s FOR. Sex when you’re married and committed to another person is so much better than sex outside of marriage. People treat sex like it’s any other physical activity - I’m hungry, so I eat. I’m thirsty, so I drink. I want to have sex, so I have sex.
How boring is that?
Sex is about so much more than a physical craving. Of course, sex is fun and pleasurable and all of that. But making it devoid of everything that makes it special - love, potential, commitment, perhaps even making a child - makes sex worse, not better.
People like to act as though good sex is simply about positions and orgasms. But can you imagine having great sex with someone you don’t even like? It sounds impossible. Great sex is about positions and orgasms and doing it with the person you love, are committed to, and want to raise a family with.
So…next time someone asks you why you’re waiting, pull out this list. Because, as someone who was a virgin when I got married and has no regrets, I’ll tell you - waiting is the best choice I ever made.
Quote of the Week:
“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched — they must be felt with the heart.” - Helen Keller
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There are plenty of ways to avoid STDs and pregnancy that don’t involve abstinence - condoms, regular checkups with your OBGYN, etc. Also, 50% of marriages result in divorce so how does your little oxytocin “I don’t have to worry because he will never leave me” argument stack up against that statistic?