Internet Trolls Fetishized Me This Week. Does That Undermine My Point On Modesty?
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Internet Trolls Fetishized Me This Week. Does That Undermine My Point On Modesty?
Hello classic crew! I hope you’re having a good start to your week! It’s been a crazy one for us over here, but luckily it’s all for good reasons, so we’ll take it. But it’s always nice to sit down and write my weekly article for you all to share what’s been on my mind.
For those of you who don’t know, last week internet trolls decided to pick up photos from my baby shower, photoshop them to make my chest appear bigger than it is, and then sexually fetishize me. In the last few days, I’ve gained thousands of followers on all of my social platforms, most of whom are only there to make me into a meme.
Normally, I don’t care at all when internet trolls come after me. It’s happened for years now, and at some point you get used to it. But this time it got under my skin: how could someone sexually fetishize a pregnant woman at her baby shower? It was just so GROSS. I quickly overcame that feeling when I remembered how sad and depraved many of these men are, and how they truly have nothing better to do.
But as I scrolled through comments on some of my latest posts and videos, I noticed a trend among women asking me this: As someone who is a proponent of modesty, how can Abby say it’s even important? If Abby is going to be sexually fetishized even when she’s dressing modestly, then what is the point?
I understand the impulse to throw modesty out the window when you’ve been fetishized even in your efforts not to be. But being modest is a core tenant of my personality and I think it’s incredibly important, despite the fact that the internet takes joy in commenting on my body even when I’m not showing it off.
There are a few elements of modesty that I think are pertinent here, so I’d like to share my thoughts:
If a man is sexualizing you when you’re dressed modestly, that’s on him, not you. When we dress modestly, we know what our intentions are. We are choosing to uphold beauty above sexuality while allowing someone to get to know our personalities before focusing on our bodies. If a man decides to sexualize you even when you’ve made your best effort to put who you are at the forefront, that’s his problem! If we choose to dress modestly and a man still fetishizes us? We have done what we can not to put a stumbling block in front of a blind man - it’s on him that he’s choosing to trip over his own feet.
Modesty is about respecting yourself and knowing your own worth. Why give someone access to your body who is so undeserving? This is my favorite thing about modesty. More than anything, modesty is about respecting and loving your body by keeping it special for yourself and your husband. Keeping things secret and private often gives them a unique value, and your body is no different. So why would we give access to our body to people who don’t deserve it? Yes, an internet troll can fetishize me when I’m dressed modestly. But I haven’t given him anything of myself in the process. And that’s a good feeling - I’m in control of what I share.
Modesty isn’t about stopping bad men from being bad. It’s about helping good men focus on who you are. I think this is the greatest misperception about modesty. Modesty isn’t about making bad men into good men. Bad men who want to sexualize you are not going to be deterred by your modesty, unfortunately. But what modesty does do is help good men focus on your personality! Even a good man can be distracted by your body - in fact, that’s entirely normal - but by dressing modestly, you’re allowing him to get to know you on a higher level. And that’s when you get what you really want - a man who will love, respect, and cherish you for you.
So, did this past week’s incident change my mind about modesty? Not one iota. As always, I find joy in modesty. And I hope that seeing me embrace it even in a situation like this brings you inspiration, too.
What do you think? Let me know your thoughts below!
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I'm a wife, mama-to-be, opera singer, entrepreneur, YouTuber, and your guide to becoming the classic woman you've always wanted to be! Follow me on YouTube, Instagram, and Twitter to see how! And together, let's be classic.
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I saw this on Twitter and it made me feel physically sick. Proud of you for rising above it and staying true to who you are!
Those are BOYS smh. Gross little incels who cannot handle themselves much less a grown woman. Those little creepy weirdos will never procreate so they're just jealous that you're happy, healthy, and married to a stable man whose son you will have.
*anyway... I think your shower dress + nails were just inspo perfect 🧚🏼♀️💫 and the lipstick color was tdf! 💖