GUEST WRITER: Mrs. Midwest!
PLUS: Revealing the gender of baby Roth!
Introducing This Week’s Guest Writer!
I am so excited to introduce you to Mrs. Midwest! Mrs. Midwest is a feminine homemaker blogging on women's issues. She has an incredibly popular YouTube channel that I absolutely love, and I know many of you do too! With one son and a second one on the way, it has been so lovely to be pregnant alongside her.
She and I became good friends through social media, and as soon as I started my Substack, I knew I wanted to reach out and ask if she would consider writing a guest post for my newsletter. I’m so happy to share her exclusive article here! Make sure to follow her on her blog, YouTube channel, and Instagram.
EXCLUSIVE ARTICLE: “Just” a Housewife
Do your ears turn red when you mention that you’re “just” a housewife? When a friend asks, “what do you do all day,” do you feel defensive? Are you unable to find peace at home because you keep thinking you need to be doing something more? Do you feel the urge to go out and get a career so that others will stop judging you?
Well, if you answered yes to any of the above questions, I have got news for you: I used to struggle with all of those feelings too.
Yes. Mrs. Midwest: self-proclaimed homemaker extraordinaire (that last part is up for debate) who has taken to the Internet to proudly show the daily life of a homemaker… even I have felt insecure in this role.
When I first began staying home, I was excited, but uncomfortable. I loved my new life and woke up feeling refreshed and motivated to hone my homemaking, but I also felt insecure about how others would perceive my new “job.”
I worried that people would think that I was a housewife because I failed at a career. I worried that my relatives would think I was draining my husband’s income. I felt embarrassed to tell people that I stayed home, and I CERTAINLY didn’t want my college professors finding out about my new lifestyle.
It seemed that I was totally bananas about my new life as long as no one knew about it!
And why?
Well… this is a multi-layered answer that can be summarized in one word: SHAME.
Shame.
I felt ashamed to be a housewife! I really did. I felt ashamed to be “living off my husband,” and I felt ashamed that I was wasting my college degree. I wondered if I would be better off pursuing a side gig or getting a part-time job so that I could at least tell people I was doing SOMETHING.
Yeah. It was rough.
Truthfully, it would be easy to place the blame of our shame entirely on strangers who make side comments or on our families who are less than supportive of us not using that BSN degree we worked so hard for. You may even think your judgemental feminist aunt is the one standing in your way of finding homemaker nirvana, but I promise you: she isn’t.
The only one standing in your way of finding peace is YOURSELF!
But don’t worry! This is actually very good news. I learned this lesson, and it’s wisdom that I feel every new homemaker needs to learn. The fact is that if you needed every relative, every stranger, and every media source to support housewives and homemakers before you can feel comfortable as a homemaker, then I assure you: you will be waiting around for many lifetimes.
The reality that confidence as a homemaker is well within your reach and it is all within your control is GOOD news.
So let’s talk about how we can achieve this confidence.
Firstly, I think it’s crucial for us to recognize our own personal bias when it comes to housewives and homemakers. You may not realize it, but you have been conditioned (if you live in the West) to view homemakers and housewives through a heavily progressive and feminist lens.
Feminist-based anti-homemaking ideology is rampant: in schools, in religious institutions, and yes, even in conservative circles. You may not realize how much conditioning you’ve received throughout your life, gearing your mind towards the concept that empowerment as a woman is primarily achieved through our careers. Unless you grew up in an extremely traditional environment, most of us have been exposed to the concept that it is INCREDIBLE when a woman chases her dream career. But a woman who wants to stay home to cook and clean for her husband? She’s not empowered.
Ivanka Trump was heralded for her work towards getting MORE American women in the workforce than ever before in history. Justice Amy Coney Barrett is revered by many conservative circles for her motherhood AND career. And Christian parents can sometimes be the worst offenders when it comes to pressuring their daughters into multiple rounds of higher education in the pursuit of an impressive career.
Regardless of how progressive OR anti-feminist your circle of influence is, it is virtually impossible to avoid this career-driven messaging, leaving the women who desire to become homemakers feeling lost, insecure, and maybe even like failures.
Try to identify the messaging that you’ve begun to believe, and when those voices kick in, kick them out! Don’t listen to the lies you’ve been programmed to believe.
Secondly, I really encourage you to fully embrace your role as a homemaker. Don’t come at it halfway: really give it your all. This helped me become confident because I truly knew that I was making a difference at home. I knew that I was saving us money, I was keeping our home cleaner and more organized than most people’s homes, and I was certainly happier at home. I threw myself into learning how to sew, into organizing, volunteering to help others, and into learning everything I could about cleaning and cooking.
I decided that if I was going to be brushed off as “just” a homemaker, then I would be THE best homemaker I could be.
And the more my skills grew, the more my confidence grew. Soon it didn’t matter if someone thought it was weird that I was a homemaker without kids… I knew that I had made a positive impact on my family, and that was enough for me.
Become useful at home. Learn new skills. Dig in deep and enrich your days with a variety of chores, hobbies, and interests. Try volunteering in your spare time, and pick up some hobbies that benefit the family budget! If you feel productive and useful at home, you will feel more confident in your decision to stay home.
My third piece of advice is to NOT ENGAGE IN DEBATE. It may not seem like it, but convincing people that Homemaking is a valid choice as a woman will not erase your insecurities. You will transform MANY more minds by simply living your best life than you will be arguing or debating your position. Sure, it’s helpful to have a back pocket full of pro-homemaking debate points, but if you’re not interested in verbal spars, have no fear: they’re not necessary.
I have found that simply sharing my lifestyle with others has been enough for many people to change their thinking about housewives and homemakers. I’ve even inspired people to PURSUE homemaking! By seeing how much satisfaction I achieve at home, how effective I’ve been able to be, and how life-giving this role is, many women have come to see the benefits. And my career-driven friends and family? At the very least, they respect me and are happy that I’m happy. And that’s enough for me.
Remember, you don’t need everyone to agree with you! Don’t go around trying to change hearts and minds about your life. It’s a waste of time.
Next, don’t apologize for your lifestyle or hide in shame! It may be easy to downplay your role as a homemaker or maybe even disguise your lifestyle by explaining that you’re currently at home but someday maybe you’ll be doing xyz… etc. etc. etc. But don’t! Stand proud in your role! Don’t give people the inkling that you are ashamed.
When someone asks what you do, answer that you are a homemaker. Say it with a smile and get ready for them to be confused or to ask what you do for money. Proudly state that your job is to support your family and that you absolutely adore your life. Don’t back down or try to hide your pleasure just to make others feel comfortable.
Finally, I encourage you to find a community of like-minded women. This may have to be exclusively online if you are not in a position to meet other homemakers, but don’t worry: even some of my online connections have gotten me through tough times as a homemaker.
At the very least, try to follow accounts online that promote homemaking and homemakers. Follow women who are proud in their role as a homemaker and give yourself lots of examples to look up to. You can absolutely normalize this lifestyle by making it the “normal” on your social media feed. I honestly don’t even think twice about homemaking because I’ve made so many homemaker friends online AND in person.
Your community will absolutely give you the confidence you need to stand and be proud of your vital role. Remember, it is ENOUGH to be a homemaker. It is ENOUGH to be a housewife. It is enough to stay at home and care for your husband, even before you have kids. You don’t need to start a blog, run a side business, or have any other things going on. You absolutely can if you desire, but you don’t NEED those things in order to prove that you are a worthy woman.
And my bonus final final tip?
Try to look your best every day.
Just because you’re not leaving the house on a regular basis doesn’t mean that you can skip out on doing your hair or putting on real clothes. Getting ready for the day will absolutely help you view homemaking as your “job” and may even help you have a more productive day. Look cute, take your role seriously, and you may even begin to take yourself more seriously.
I know it certainly helps me.
-Mrs. Midwest
NEW VIDEO: We Are Having A... // Baby Gender REVEAL! 💗💙
Welcome to Classically Abby!
I'm a wife, mama-to-be, opera singer, entrepreneur, YouTuber, and your guide to becoming the classic woman you've always wanted to be! Follow me on YouTube, Instagram, and Twitter to see how! And together, let's be classic.
SO happy for you! I was sure it was a girl, but I was wrong, LOL!