Expectations vs. Reality: Motherhood Edition!
PLUS, Announcing This Month's Book Club Selection!
ANNOUNCING: This Month's Book Club Selection!
I’m excited to share this month’s book club selection! This month we are reading non-fiction (we switch up month-to-month) and the book we will be reading is…The Rise And Triumph of the Modern Self! I have only heard incredible things about this book and how informative it is. It’s available as an audiobook and on Kindle. I can’t wait to read it with you all!
Expectations Vs. Reality: Motherhood Edition!
Hello friends! I hope you had a lovely July 4th weekend. It was Baby Boy Roth’s first Independence Day, so that was a lot of fun! Actually, he had a lot of “firsts” this past weekend: he slept away from home for the first time, he went to the beach, he went in the pool, and he even took his first flight! It’s so amazing seeing your child experience the world and take everything in. But now we are in the throes of moving, so the transition from vacation fun to the stress of packing everything up and heading out is giving me whiplash!
I recently received a DM on Instagram from a woman named Jessica who suggested I make some content on the expectations I had of motherhood vs. the reality of motherhood. I absolutely loved that idea because OH MY GOODNESS did I have expectations that did NOT come to fruition. Being a mom is the greatest mixture of, “Wow, I think I’m figuring things out!” and simultaneously, “What in the heck am I even doing?” Even at this moment, I am baby-wearing my son, he is fussing up a storm, and I’m not totally sure what he needs from me!
So today, I thought I’d share five expectations I had of motherhood vs. the reality of how things actually are. I think it’s so important to share the struggles of motherhood so that we all feel a little less alone. Watching moms on social media can make you feel like a failure - I know that’s happened to me! Everything looks so manicured and perfect - and in my experience, those days are few and far between. So let’s get into it!
Your baby will just sleep in the bassinet. Oh my goodness, this was the greatest expectation I had! For reference, I read the book Babywise when I was pregnant. I actually like a lot of the information in there, and I do vaguely follow their daily schedules. BUT…that book has a real problem of making things sound simple and easy. You just put your baby in the bassinet for his naps. That’s all you have to do, and poof! He sleeps for 2 hours and you can get work done. Yeah, right. Early on, every time I put Mr. Baby in his bassinet he woke up and started crying. The idea that you just do anything with a newborn became the bane of my existence. I kept thinking I was doing something wrong or that there was something wrong with my baby - and there wasn’t. But holding yourself to an impossible standard of “this will be easy” ruins the joy of those first few weeks. Nothing with a baby is simple - they have minds of their own and if they don’t want to sleep in the bassinet, they won’t. So there’s a lot of hugging and holding in those first days - and if I’d realized how quickly that time passed, I would have cherished it more early on.
You can have a perfect nap schedule. Again - NOPE! I was convinced that I would be able to get my son down for naps after adequate waketimes and have him sleep for a while so I could clean the house, make dinner, do some work…well, even now, almost four months in, Mr. Baby doesn’t sleep the perfect allotted amount of time for his naps. He usually wakes up after 30 minutes, ready to party, and then passes out again after about 20 minutes of waketime. Of course, this is not the case if he’s being held or being worn - then he’ll sleep until I wake him up. But it’s so easy to drive yourself crazy when your baby doesn’t want to follow the schedule. I have attempted and still attempt to do something called the “feed-wake-sleep” schedule, but half the time Mr. Baby doesn’t want to sleep until his next feed. He wants to sleep, wake up, play, eat, sleep, or some other iteration that doesn’t match the schedule. And you know what? HE’S FINE. He’s a happy boy! Does it work as well for my schedule? No. But at the end of the day, I’m more concerned that he’s doing well, and he is. So if your baby isn’t following the “nap schedule,” as long as he’s happy, you’re doing great.
You’ll be able to exercise, do your makeup, and have clean clothes. I’m pretty sure I got this expectation off of Instagram. You see new moms exercising every morning (How?), doing their makeup every day (When?), and walking around in cute clothes (I’m sorry, with a reflux baby I’m ALWAYS covered in spit-up). I thought that I could do all of that, too. But unless you have help, whether that be a nanny or a family member, you might be able to do one of these things, but definitely not all three. And maybe none of them, depending on the day! In reality, finding time to spend on you is hard. But prioritizing one thing every day for yourself is important - so if you can ask for help, do it.
You’ll never co-sleep. The fear of co-sleeping is so intense that many women drive themselves crazy trying to avoid it. I was one of those mamas. I didn’t want to risk my baby’s life, and so I drove myself crazy about co-sleep. But early on, my baby would not sleep in the bassinet. He just wouldn’t. And then he caught a cold, and I was really worried about him sleeping on his back when he was having a hard time breathing. So we held him while he slept. And sometimes we fell asleep, too. I still didn’t feel comfortable sleeping with him in my bed because he was so small, but when he got a little bigger, if he was having a hard time sleeping, I followed the 7 rules for safe co-sleeping and he would sleep next to me halfway through the night. I personally don’t choose to do full-time co-sleeping. Mr. Baby usually sleeps in his bassinet and he’s happy there. But the truth is, there are times that he needs to sleep and I need to sleep, and by safely co-sleeping we both are much happier and healthier. So if we can lessen the stigma on safe co-sleep and recognize that there’s a time and place for it, that would be great.
Breastfeeding will be easy (or at least, not THAT difficult). I want to clarify that I knew that breastfeeding would be tricky. I didn’t think it would be simple right off the bat, but I figured that we would fall into a rhythm rather quickly early on. But my breastfeeding journey was really complicated. I had an oversupply, Mr. Baby had reflux, and I was trying to make sure he was getting what he needed while also struggling with constant engorgement and leaking. It was a whole mess, to be honest. I was at the lactation consultant twice a week for a month trying to figure things out. But I’m so glad I stuck with it! Now we pretty much exclusively breastfeed unless I need to run an errand - then he’ll take a bottle of my previously pumped breastmilk. Is breastfeeding easy, even now? Not for me. Mr. Baby has gotten into a habit of not wanting to eat all at once - he prefers to eat for about 10 minutes, then take a 20 minute break, then eat for another 10 minutes. And by prefers, I mean screams if I try to give him more and then cries twenty minutes later when he’s hungry. But I still love breastfeeding my little guy! And had I known how hard breastfeeding would be, I think I wouldn’t have been as hard on myself early on.
So my expectations of motherhood were vastly different than the reality. Would you like to hear more expectations I had? What about your experience? Share in the comments below!
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I'm a wife, mama, opera singer, entrepreneur, YouTuber, and your guide to becoming the classic woman you've always wanted to be! Follow me on YouTube, Instagram, and Twitter to see how! And together, let's be classic.
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Welcome to motherhood, where nothing is what you expect! Lol. I was one of those anti-co-sleeping moms too. I spent a lot of nights in the rocking chair in their room. Now, I have a 9 and 11 year old who sleep in my bed all the time. 🙄. I totally gave up! I was recently thinking that if I had another baby, I'd stop stressing about it and just co-sleep from day 1! In fact I'd probably get one of those co-sleeping bed attachments lol.
I also struggled with breastfeeding my first one. Second one was a lot easier, not sure why. Do your best but don't beat yourself up if you have to use a bottle at any point. It'll all be OK in the end! My kids had the same weird eating schedule, and they still do! Fortunately it gets a lot easier as they get older and can get themselves snacks. :). You're doing great! Loved hearing about this and would love to hear more!
Loved the list! My son is 16 months now. I expected that there would be steady behavior, sleep, and eating changes. But it’s not linear change. There are sleep regressions for example. He was a great eater a few months ago and suddenly he’s suspicious or more interested in seeing food fall. 😂
Another thing I didn’t expect was how breastfeeding would go for me. I didn’t anticipate not only how hard it would be but how I would feel about it. It is an understatement to say we had a rocky start. By six months though things were going so well we just kept going. I never imagined we’d be breastfeeding past the year.
One thing that cracks me up is baby paraphernalia. We bought or were given things for him to use that he couldn’t use or he just didn’t care for.
I love being a mother. I feel excited at the prospect of how much better prepared I’d be if I’m blessed with more babies. Not saying things would go smoothly, but at least I’d know what it’s definitely silly to have expectations about.
I love hearing your perspective. It sounds to me like your doing really well!
Have you read “Mom Genes”? I think you’d like it.